"Wuthering Heights" with a side of bacon EDITED

EDIT: THIS BLOG HAD BEEN TAKEN DOWN DUE TO DMCA.  IF YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU HAVE CONTENT THAT SHOULD NOT BE HERE, PLEASE CONTACT ME DIRECTLY AND I WILL TAKE IT DOWN IMMEDIATELY.  YOUR ANONYMOUS ACTIONS BASICALLY BROUGHT THIS BLOG TO A GRINDING HALT FOR MONTHS WHILE I TRIED TO RESEARCH WHAT YOU WANTED REMOVED (WHOEVER "YOU" ARE).  THIS BLOG IS BACK UP FOR EVERYONE ELSE, PLEASE ENJOY!

DL: Today I'd like to introduce to you Alex. She may occasionally guest blog for me.

What should I blog about tonight?

Photo Credit
 like_the_grand_canyon

AL: At the question, "What should I blog about tonight?" my answer was needles. How we got to bacon, I don't know, but I can tell you that some people would rather poke themselves with a thousand needles than bear 400 pages of British literature. For many of those people bacon makes things better (including asparagus, McDoubles, and tales of the despondent histories of the Yorkshire moors).



DL: True, bacon does make many things better. I don't see how it would help needles though. I definitely see how it could help British Lit, but it would take a lot of bacon, and maybe chocolate. What were they eating in the story you were reading? The "Editor-in-Chief" keeps reminding me that this is supposed to be a food blog, so I need to include a recipe at some point.

AL: The English language is all about Thinking Sideways, so please turn this around for the Editor-in-chief: gruel, lumpy oatmeal, bread crusts, and coffee. Please realize that the late 16th century setting put you in a dank kitchen with a "kitchen fire". Have fun with that.



DL: How depressing! I forgot how much I hated British lit in high school. But I do like coffee. So a dank kitchen with a kitchen fire. Was it smoky? Were there rats? And if there were crusts of bread, what happened to the rest of the bread?

AL: Their lives are too sad for the rest of the bread.

AL: Honestly, though, did you seriously just ask me if there were rats? I think the better question would be "Were there zombies?" Yes, master, I stole your line, and you must realize by now that I'm working on my vengeful plot to steal your estate and rights to your blog. I'm half way there.

 Mwahahahahaha (this is totally a word).

 As I was saying about zombies. Once in the book, a character was on his way back to the Heights and stopped by the market in the village with his eye on the mule with the wobbly ankle to carry the ingredients for his gruel all the way back to his estate. I could only wish Emily Bronte would Think so Sideways (Ha! I did it again!) FYI: it is my personal belief that Lady Gaga wrote Bad Romance about this book. Soon, it will be the anthem for this blog. That's right, Lady Gaga, you just keep Thinking...um...Sideways if that's what you call it. So, tell me how a zombie might tackle the greasy, gruelly, crusty, caffeinated challenge of Wuthering Heights with a side of bacon.




The Greasy, Gruelly, Crusty, Caffeinated Aftermath

I really can't say I'm surprised. She wants to steal my estate and the rights to my blog. At her age I wanted to rule the world (no, really I did... one of the issues I'm still working through in therapy: my frustrated megalomania). In fact, I still have my copy of the UN Charter with all of my crib notes on how to change it into a federal system and install myself as president of the Earth. Ah, dreams...

Anyway... Phyllis wants recipes. Alex wants it to be related to depressing Wuthering Heights: gruel, crusts of bread, coffee...

I think I can work with this.

First off, what is gruel? Simply put, gruel is a food preparation consisting of some type of cereal: millet, barley, oat, wheat, rye, or rice that is boiled in water or milk. Gruel is associated with poverty, So really any thin soup or boiled cereal preparation that is used. But I have been challenged to live up to the name of blog "Think sideways". Okay.

Gruel (my way)

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup of Old Fashioned Oats
• 1/2 cup of Half and Half
• 3/4 cup of Earl Grey Tea, Hot
• 1/4 cup of currants or raisins
• 1 cup of water
• pinch of salt
• 1 tablespoon sugar
• 1 teaspoon butter

Instructions

1. Place currants in tea and allow to hydrate for 10 minutes.
2. Remove currants. Roll in sugar.
3. Place remaining tea and Half and Half into small saucepan. Bring to low simmer. Caution! Do not allow Half and Half to come to full boil or liquid may burn.
4. Add Oatmeal and salt to saucepan. Raise heat. The oatmeal flakes will absorb the water and expand. Leave it until it bubbles.
5. Lower the heat to medium when the oatmeal begins to get bubbly. Stir the pot and let it cook 2-3 minutes more.
6. Cover and remove from heat. The residual heat should cook the oatmeal the rest of the way 5-7 minutes.
7. Remove from saucepan and serve with sugared currants and butter.

Hail Britannia!
Earl Grey Tea and Currants!

Hah. That wasn't even worth my time. Let's see, what's next? "Crusts of Bread." Oh, I have so got this one.

Crusts of Bread (my way)

Ingredients

• 1 small loaf French bread
• 6 eggs yolks
• 1 can sweetened condensed milk
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 cup + 2 tablespoons sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• OPTIONAL: 1/2 cup raisins and or 2 tablespoons cognac
  

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees
2. Grease a 9x14 glass baking pan
3. Beat egg yolks an 1/4 sugar until smooth
4. Add sweetened condensed milk, salt, and extract to egg mixture. Mix thoroughly.
5. Tear up bread unto bite size pieces and place into thick single layer in pan.
6. Cover bread with egg mixture.
7. Add raisins and/or cognac if desired
8. Sprinkle remaining 2 tablespoons sugar and cinnamon over top
9. Bake for 35 to 45 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into center comes out clean.

As crusts of bread go, I think that looks pretty darn tasty, eh? Should make a good breakfast or dessert. Serve it with a little creme fraiche and you'll forget completely about the zombie hordes ready to consume London.

Now comes the hard one, the coffee. You see, believe it or not, I am a simple man with simple tastes. I like a good cup a joe. Nothing fancy, nothing foofy. Sure I like the occasional Espresso or Latte, but normally I want a good cup of coffee. But since I need to think sideways... (I'm going to cheat on this one though)

Coffee (food.com's way)

Ingredients

• 1 (2 1/2 ounce) package instant vanilla pudding
• 1 (2 1/2 ounce) package chocolate instant pudding
• 3 cups milk
• 1 cup coffee, chilled. (don't use a flavored coffee.)
• whipped cream

Instructions

1. Follow the directions on the package for preparing the vanilla pudding: add 2 cups of cold milk and pudding mix in a bowl and whisk for two minutes.
2. In a separate bowl, prepare the chocolate pudding. The directions call for 2 cups of milk. Instead, put in 1 1/2 cups of milk and 1/2 cup of chilled coffee and pudding mix in a bowl and whisk for two minutes.
3. Transfer about 4 tablespoons of the vanilla and 4 tablespoons of the chocolate pudding to a third bowl. Add 2 more tablespoons of coffee to this batch. Whisk this batch. It should appear a few shades lighter than the chocolate pudding's color. Drink the remainder of the coffee.
4. Layer in cups or parfait glasses. Refrigerate for five minutes. Garnish with whipped cream before serving. (1)
   

You have your gruel, your crust of bread, and your coffee. The only thing I haven't given you yet is the side of bacon.


Okay, that wasn't nice. Funny, but not nice. What I was going to do was give you a little bit of advice.

1. Look for Applewood smoked bacon. It is available occasionally, and it is very good.
2. Finish your bacon before you serve it by putting real maple syrup in your pan to candy the bacon a little.
3. Always ask your guests how they like their bacon. People are as picky about their bacon as they are their eggs. Your guests will appreciate it.
   

I've a good time with Alex's challenges today. I hope she has as much fun with British Lit (mwa-ha-ha - that would be the proper spelling per Dilbert) as I did writing today's blog. Alex - watch out for Zombies!

I want to thank a lot of you for the positive messages I've gotten over the last 24 hours. I really do have a lot of fun writing this blog and to know that you guys are reading it and are looking forward to the next installment means a lot to me. So in the immortal words of Chip Diller:

Until next time, I wish you Peace, Love, and Hollandaise Sauce


(1) http://www.food.com/recipe/cafe-au-lait-pudding-233763

Coffee... Kickstarter... Comics

Hello everyone. I'm back after another hiatus. I keep having these nice long breaks where life tries to interfere.  What's new with you?

If you'll pardon the overused metaphor, I have pigeonholed myself with the blog.  I am more than a cook, and some of my earlier blog posts can attest to that.  So you should expect to see more blogs with a broader point of view.

For tonight though, I thought I would start by reexamining one of my favorite topics, coffee.

First go check out one of my older posts:

• 100 Things you should eat before you die #2: Jamaican Blue Mountain Coffee

Next, go check out Coffee Cup News.  I admit it, I'm a snob about coffee.  Twitter has let me indulge this lately and I've found a community of people that share this love for this wonderful elixir of life.  One of the best resources has been @CoffeeCupNews.  They have a wonderful article listing the Top 10 interesting facts about coffee (http://coffeecupnews.org/top-10-list-interesting-facts-about-coffee/)

Finally, if you follow Kickstarter then you should checkout the red cup.  Monthly, Micro-roasted Coffee Subscriptions, a food project in Washington D.C.  This group has 20 days left to raise about $10,000.  

Try several coffee samples before you buy the whole bag!

Through a monthly sampling box, you get to DISCOVER and LEARN about great micro-roasted coffee* around the US. If you like the coffee, come to our secure, convenient, and central website to buy more of it!

We'll ensure consistent quality and taste by only coarse-grinding our coffees. AND! Depending on the subscription, you'll receive a free French press.

Equally important, you help us help the SMALL micro-roasters around the US. These micro-roasters would love you to fall in love with their coffee, but don't have the means to reach you. We will help you learn more about the people behind the beans, taste their passion, and make these micro-roasters household names through a blog and other media.

*Through the roasting process, coffee is transformed from a green cherry to a delicious brown bean. This is THE most important factor that contributes to a coffee's taste. Micro-roasters are shops that roast coffee in small batches with 100% of their attention - achieving a taste and quality that is NOT POSSIBLE on the industrial scale.

When you subscribe, you can get coarse ground or (JOY!) whole bean.

So go check out the red cup and donate (right now, but please come back)

Kickstarter Segway! (photo credit friscr)

Speaking of Kickstarter you should also go check out The Dixie Stenberg mini-comic!

www.pendantaudio.com

I've mentioned Pendant Audio before, they produce some fantastic podcasts.  Many of their productions originally came from the DC Comic Book universe.  Turn about is fair play!

This project will create a mini-comic adaptation of an original audio show produced by Pendant Productions (PendantAudio.com).

"The Dixie Stenberg and Brassy Battalion Adventure Theater" was Pendant's first (and most popular) original show! Join daring test pilot Dixie Stenberg as she fights the Nazis with robots, rayguns and moxie to spare!

Since 2004, all of Pendant's shows have been created and distributed for free. 

We are producing this mini-comic so we can gauge interest and possibly produce full-length comics in the future. We have a full creative team working on this project right now!

This campaign will fund the art and printing costs of producing the mini-comic, written by Jeffrey and Susan Bridges with pencils by Jerry Gaylord, an Umket ad by Peng-Peng, and colors by Bryan "Flash" Turner!

NOTE: When we say "mini," we mean it will only have nine interior pages. We are printing this at full color, full comic size! Woo!

Printing will be completed no later than July 2012.

The last time I checked, they were almost 75% of the way there!  Let's help them beat the goal and surpass it.  This is a very well written series - please go listen to it!

In the spirit of Coffee and WWII let's close today's blog with a recipe:

(Adapted from Heritage Recipes http://www.heritagerecipes.com/cookies/war-cookies-cake.htm and Jugalbandi http://jugalbandi.info/2007/12/fruit-and-nut-war-cake/)

1942 War Cake

(Photo credit FotoosVanRobin)

1/2 cup shortening

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1 teaspoon of other spices: ground cloves, mace, ginger

1 cup chopped raisins or other dried fruits

2 tablespoons orange zest

1/2 cup white sugar

1/2 cup brown sugar

1 cup water

2 cups all purpose flour

1/4 teaspoon soda

2 teaspoons baking powder

Boil together the sugar, shortening, raisins, dates, orange zest, salt and spices for 3 minutes. Remove from heat and cool. Sift together flour, baking powder and baking soda. When cool, add flour, baking soda and baking powder and beat well. Pour into a greased 9x5 inch loaf pan and bake at 350 degrees for 45 min to an hour.  Or you can use a bundt pan for 35 minutes.  The cake is done when a toothpick inserted can be removed cleanly.

(Photo credit copyright 2007 Jugalbandi.info)

There you go folks!  We've covered coffee, Kickstarter, and comics.  Now go be an angel and support Pendant and red cup.  While you're at, click on ad or two and support me too.  Throw me a bone would ya?

Until next time, I wish you peace, love, and hollandaise sauce!

How to eat when you're really broke (Link to original article and Commentary)

I am blatantly linking to this article on MSN.  I know, I'm actually reading an article on MSN?  It came from a link on Facebook to Lifehacker so I would say it has a good pedigree.  The article makes a lot of sense too.

http://money.msn.com/saving-money/how-to-eat-when-you-are-really-broke-weston.aspx
(Really, read this article.  It's very good.)

Too busy to read it?  Here's the Cliff Notes version:

If you are an America, you probably spend too much money per month on food.  You go out to eat too often and when you don't go out to eat, most of the food you buy is over processed, not nutritious enough, and goes bad in your refrigerator, freezer, or pantry before you eat it.

Here are their recommendations, and they are all common sense:

1. Eat mostly at home
I think about a grilled cheese sandwich.  In its simplest form, two slices of bread, a little butter, and two slices of American cheese.  If you make that at home it will cost you less that $0.40.  At most diners it's the cheapest sandwich on the menu at $2.00.

2. Skip the Processing
With all of my wife's allergies we have a general rule of thumb, if the ingredient list on the label has more than five items, it probably has been processed too much.

3. Demote Meat
Most dietitians recommend limiting meat portions to 3 ounces; I rarely follow this rule.  Most cultures use meat as a flavoring and not the main component of a meal.  If you purchase a pound of beef for $3.00 and have 2 - 8 ounce steaks, you have 2 - $1.50 meat servings.  That same pound of beef can be cut up and used into a stir fry where it can be turned into 8 - 2 ounce $ 0.38 servings.  OR skip meat altogether (Heavens NO!) for Lentils or Beans.

4. Promote Vegetables
Increase the amount of fresh seasonal and frozen vegetables.  But try to avoid canned since it normally has been processed with too much salt and sugar.

5. Go for the Grains
Whole grains are very filling, full of fiber, and fairly inexpensive.

6. Watch the Waste
Patrol your pantry.  Watch for dates.  Watch for rot.

7. Drop your Bad Habits
Reduce the amount of alcohol, tobacco, and soda you consume.  I think that would also mean no more lattes at Starbucks every day.

8. Get a Slow Cooker
Always a good idea.  I also recommend getting a pressure cooker/canner, especially if you have a garden.

9. Cook Once, Eat Twice
Make enough for left overs.  Good idea, but don't be afraid to take it a couple of steps further.  Growing up, my Mom's most successful diet weight-loss and financially involved cooking all day every other Sunday.  We would make 5 or 6 different main courses and then divided them into individual portions and freeze them.  With different schedules throughout the week, we could both have home-cooked meals that were healthy and economical.

10. Learn to Love Lentils
The article points out that lentils are fast to cook and are packed pith protein.  But other legumes are worth noting and cooking.  In fact if you have the pressure cooker I mentioned in #8, a pound of beans takes an hour to cook.  You can then can them yourself with less salt and processing than you would find at the supermarket.  The article also mentions brown rice taking 40 minutes to cook.  This is true, but you can take advantage of this by cooking things IN the rice, like lima beans or corn or chicken breasts or tomatoes, etc. etc.

11. Have Some Go-To Recipes
Ah! The ace up the sleeve.  I have several including the All purpose cream of the vegetable in the freezer soup and grilled cheese.  Or Shepherds Pie.  Fast dinner when you get home beats going out to eat.


Ya know what?  I think my article ended up being longer than the original!

Until next time, I wish you peace, love, and hollandaise sauce!

A post before dining...

So wasn't I just on a hiatus?

The stories of my return from hiatus were greatly exaggerated.

Life has a way of keeping you busy, but a guy's got to eat right?  So what do you eat when you are constantly on the go?  Fast food?  If you have to, you have to, but you can make some smart choices.

Let's take McDonald's as an example.  Without going into calorie counting and fat gram counting let's just assume from the outset that a Big Mac, Large Fries, and a Dr. Pepper probably have enough salt, fat, and calories to give your dietitian a coronary.

While you're at it, let's think about the cost..  That "Value meal" just ran you $6 or more.  What can you buy at the grocery store for $6?

• A gallon of milk and a sack of cookies. or
• A pack of hot dogs, buns, and ketchup, or
• A pound of carrots, o head of lettuce, a tomato. and some salad dressing, or
• Half a pound of Ground beef and hamburger buns, or
• lunch meat, cheese, and a loaf of bread, or
• 40 packs of Ramen noodles, or
• A can of white beans, a pound of brown rice, a pound of frozen spinach, and a ham hock, or

The list goes on and on, but your time doesn't, so here you are in the drive through at McDonald's.  You don't want to spend an arm and a leg, you want to eat healthy, you want to eat tasty, and you want to be satisfied.  The Value menu is actually a pretty good place to start.

Start with ONE McDouble, McChicken, or if they have it, 4 piece chicken McNuggets.  Most people really don't need more than that... not even a big 'ol Sasquatch like me.  Then, and this is the hard part:

Skip the fries.

That's right, skip them. "But they're so good!"  Sure they are with all of that starch, hot oil, and salt, even kitty litter would taste good.  Just wait until they're cold; they won't be quite as good then.  Plus, Fries are what I call "Empty Calories".  You really don't get any nutrition for what you are eating.  Instead you should order a side salad.  In fact, order TWO.

WHAT!  Rabbit Food?  Yes, a side salad.  McDonald's makes a very good side salad with mixed greens, grape tomatoes and carrots.  Best of all, almost everyone loves Ranch dressing, so get it with Fat Free Ranch.  The Newman's Own is very good, it doesn't taste fat free, I promise.  The packet of Ranch dressing has a lot in it; you can DROWN your salad in it.

What about a drink?  This is the tough part for me.  If you can do it, just get a cup of ice water.  Sure it's cheap, but so are you.  If you have to order a drink, a bottle of water, bottle of milk (bonus points for nutrition!), unsweetened ice tea, black coffee, or diet soda.

Is this health food?  Not really, but it is healthier food.  You are limiting your carb intake by having one small sandwich.  You are having green leafy vegetables which are full of vitamins and fiber.  Do eat everything you order., don't waste.  Eat slowly and eat with friends if you can.  This isn't "Diet" food, this is "Eating Healthier" and saving money to download an extra app for your phone.

So until next time folks, I wish you peace, love, and hollandaise sauce!  (which seems really weird since we've been talking about eating healthy - go figure)

Coming back from hiatus

I'm back folks from a brief break.

Life sometimes rears it's head and has to take priority.  So that's how things have been around here, please forgive me.  My dedication to bringing great food ideas to you has not changed, but the break was needed.

Bringing you up to speed:

What happened to the sourdough starter?  Day 2, the cat knocked the jar down to the floor.  Igor is in the trash I'm afraid.



The absolute essentials part II blog is almost done, I just need to add a little to finish it off.

I was getting ready to write a week's worth of blogs about rice, finishing with some important information about Food for the Poor.  But then the earthquake in Japan happened and all of the events that it spawned.  I have promised that I will write about the plight of Haiti, and I will, but I didn't want the message to be drowned out.

Sharon has another Guest blog ready in the wings, too.

My daughter is getting ready to graduate!!! Yippie!!!  So expect some great themed stuff there too.

Toastmasters has been gearing up too - A big HELLO to everyone from Toastmasters!

So we'll be back to the food shortly!  Thank you for your patience!

So until next time, here's wishing you peace, love, and hollandaise sauce!